what is tour ego

What Is Ego: Understanding the Concept and Its Significance

What is ego? It’s a question that has intrigued philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual seekers for centuries. Ego can be defined as the part of our identity that gives us a sense of self-importance and separates us from others. It’s the voice in our head that tells us we are separate individuals with unique desires, beliefs, and experiences.

Our ego plays a crucial role in shaping our personality and guiding our behavior. It helps us navigate through life by providing a framework for understanding ourselves and the world around us. However, an inflated or unchecked ego can also lead to arrogance, selfishness, and an inability to connect with others on a deeper level.

Understanding the nature of ego is essential for personal growth and cultivating healthy relationships. By recognizing when our ego is at play, we can become more aware of its influence on our thoughts, emotions, and actions. This awareness allows us to make conscious choices rather than being driven solely by the demands of our ego.

In conclusion, exploring the concept of ego offers valuable insights into human psychology and interpersonal dynamics. By delving into this topic further, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and foster greater empathy towards others. So let’s embark on this journey together as we unravel the mysteries of ego and its impact on our lives.

Understanding the Concept of Ego

Let’s delve into the intriguing concept of ego and explore its various dimensions. Ego, in psychological terms, refers to an individual’s sense of self-identity and self-importance. It is the part of our psyche that gives us a distinct personality and helps shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

• The Ego as a Protective Mechanism

One aspect of ego is its role as a protective mechanism. It acts as a shield, safeguarding our self-esteem and defending against threats to our identity. For example, when we face criticism or experience failure, the ego may step in to protect us from feeling inadequate or vulnerable. It can manifest as defensiveness or denial in order to maintain a positive self-image.

• The Ego’s Influence on Perception

Another fascinating aspect of ego lies in its influence on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Our egos filter information based on preconceived notions about who we are and what aligns with our beliefs and values. This filtering process can lead to biases and distortions in our perception, shaping our reality through the lens of our ego-driven perspectives.

• Balancing Individuality and Interconnectedness

While ego serves important functions in maintaining personal identity, it can also create barriers to meaningful connections with others. When unchecked, excessive egocentricity can hinder empathy, cooperation, and collaboration with those around us. Finding a balance between asserting one’s individuality while recognizing the interconnectedness of all beings is crucial for fostering healthy relationships and societal harmony.

• Cultivating Self-Awareness

Developing self-awareness is key to understanding the role of ego in our lives. By observing our thoughts, emotions, and reactions without judgment or attachment, we gain insights into how ego influences our perceptions and actions. Through practices like mindfulness meditation or journaling, we can begin unraveling the layers of ego and cultivate a deeper understanding of ourselves.

• Transcending the Ego

While ego is an integral part of our human experience, some philosophical and spiritual traditions propose transcending it for a greater sense of peace and interconnectedness. This involves recognizing that our ego-driven desires, attachments, and fears can lead to suffering and dissatisfaction. By shifting our focus from self-centeredness to compassion for all beings, we can start to break free from the limitations imposed by ego.

In conclusion, understanding the concept of ego requires exploring its protective nature, its influence on perception, finding balance between individuality and interconnectedness, cultivating self-awareness, and contemplating transcendence. By gaining insights into our own egos, we can navigate life with greater authenticity, empathy, and wisdom.

The Role of Ego in Psychology

When it comes to understanding human behavior, the concept of ego plays a significant role in the field of psychology. The ego, according to Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory, is one of the three components of our psyche, alongside the id and superego. It serves as the mediator between our primitive instincts (id) and societal norms (superego), working to balance our desires with reality.

One way to think about the role of ego is by considering its function as a defense mechanism. The ego helps us navigate the conflicts that arise within ourselves and in relation to others. For example, when we experience anxiety or fear , the ego steps in to protect us by employing defense mechanisms such as repression or denial. These mechanisms allow us to cope with distressing thoughts or emotions that might otherwise overwhelm us.

In addition to its defensive functions, the ego also plays a crucial role in shaping our identity and sense of self. It helps us develop a coherent narrative about who we are and how we relate to others. Through processes like identification and self-reflection, the ego contributes to our formation of personal values, beliefs, and attitudes.

Furthermore, the ego influences our decision-making process by weighing various factors such as social expectations, personal goals, and ethical considerations. It helps us strike a balance between fulfilling our individual needs while also considering how our actions may impact those around us.

Understanding the role of ego can shed light on why individuals behave differently in certain situations. Some people may have a stronger sense of self-identity driven by their egos, while others may struggle with low self-esteem or an inflated sense of importance due to imbalances within their egos.

In summary, the role of ego in psychology is multifaceted. It acts as a mediator between conflicting aspects of our psyche while also contributing to our overall identity formation and decision-making processes. By recognizing its influence, psychologists can better understand human behavior and help individuals navigate the complexities of their inner worlds.

Ego Development Throughout Life

When we consider the concept of ego development throughout life, it becomes clear that our sense of self evolves and matures as we navigate different stages and experiences. Here are a few examples illustrating this fascinating journey:

• Example: A toddler who asserts their independence by saying “no” to parental instructions demonstrates the emergence of their ego as they begin to establish personal boundaries.
• Example: A teenager exploring various interests and experimenting with different personas is actively shaping their ego as they strive to define themselves separate from their family or peer group.
• Example: An individual who experiences setbacks in their professional life may have to reevaluate aspects of their identity tied to career achievements. This process can lead to introspection and personal growth as they redefine their goals and priorities.
• Example: An elderly person who engages in activities like volunteering or mentoring others demonstrates an ongoing process of ego development by continuing to contribute meaningfully despite potential limitations associated with aging.

It’s important to note that ego development is a complex and individualized process, influenced by a multitude of factors such as culture, personality, and life circumstances. These examples provide just a glimpse into the diverse pathways of ego development throughout life.

Signs and Symptoms of an Inflated Ego

When it comes to understanding ego, recognizing the signs and symptoms of an inflated ego is crucial. An inflated ego refers to an excessive sense of self-importance, superiority, or entitlement. It can have a negative impact on relationships, personal growth, and overall well-being. Here are a few examples of signs that may indicate someone has an inflated ego:

• Constant Need for Validation: Individuals with an inflated ego often seek external validation to boost their self-esteem. They constantly crave praise, recognition, and admiration from others. This need for validation can be seen through their constant bragging about achievements or seeking approval in every aspect of their lives.
• Disregard for Others’ Opinions: People with an inflated ego tend to dismiss or belittle the opinions and ideas of others. They believe they are always right and refuse to consider alternative viewpoints. This attitude can lead to strained relationships as they struggle to acknowledge the value of differing perspectives.
• Dominating Conversations: Have you ever encountered someone who monopolizes conversations? That could be a sign of an inflated ego at play. Individuals with this trait often interrupt others, dominate discussions, and steer conversations back towards themselves. They feel the need to be the center of attention at all times.
• Lack of Empathy: Another common symptom is a lack of empathy towards others’ feelings or experiences. People with an inflated ego find it difficult to understand or relate to others’ emotions because they are too focused on themselves and their own needs.
• Excessive Pride: While having pride in one’s accomplishments is healthy, an inflated ego takes pride to another level entirely. These individuals excessively boast about their achievements, talents, possessions, or social status as a way to inflate their own importance in the eyes of others.

It’s important to note that everyone may display some degree of these behaviors occasionally; however, when they become chronic and disrupt daily life, it may indicate an inflated ego. Recognizing these signs can be the first step towards personal growth and developing healthier relationships with others.

Understanding the signs and symptoms of an inflated ego allows us to reflect on our own behavior and make necessary changes to cultivate a more balanced sense of self. It helps foster empathy, open-mindedness, and humility – qualities that promote personal growth and strong connections with those around us.

The Impact of Ego on Relationships

When it comes to relationships, the impact of ego can be significant. Ego, defined as a person’s sense of self-importance and self-esteem, plays a crucial role in how individuals interact with one another. Here are a few examples illustrating the influence of ego on relationships:

• Communication Breakdown: One common consequence of unchecked ego is a breakdown in communication. When individuals prioritize their own needs and opinions over those of their partner, it creates a barrier between them. Ego-driven communication often involves defensiveness, criticism, and refusal to listen. This can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and ultimately hinder the growth and development of the relationship.
• Power Struggles: Ego can also fuel power struggles within relationships. When both partners have strong egos and refuse to compromise or yield to each other’s perspectives, conflicts arise. These power struggles can manifest in various ways such as competing for control, seeking dominance, or unwillingness to admit fault or apologize. Over time, these power dynamics erode trust and intimacy within the relationship.
• Inability to Empathize: An inflated ego can hinder an individual’s ability to empathize with their partner’s emotions and experiences. Instead of understanding their feelings and offering support, someone dominated by their ego may dismiss or belittle their partner’s concerns as insignificant or unwarranted. This lack of empathy creates distance between partners and undermines emotional connection.
• Lack of Accountability: Ego-driven individuals often struggle with taking responsibility for their actions or acknowledging mistakes they’ve made in the relationship. They may deflect blame onto others or make excuses rather than accepting accountability for any harm caused by their words or behaviors.
• Difficulty in Resolving Conflict: Healthy relationships require effective conflict resolution skills where both parties are willing to work towards finding mutually beneficial solutions. However, when ego takes center stage during conflicts, resolution becomes challenging. The focus shifts from finding common ground to proving one’s superiority or defending one’s ego, prolonging the conflict and preventing meaningful resolution.

Understanding the impact of ego on relationships is crucial for fostering healthy and fulfilling connections. By recognizing when our egos are influencing our behaviors and attitudes, we can take steps to cultivate humility, empathy, and effective communication within our relationships.

Strategies for Managing and Balancing Ego

When it comes to managing and balancing ego, there are several effective strategies that can help us navigate this complex aspect of our personality. By recognizing the importance of self-awareness and practicing humility, we can cultivate a healthy relationship with our ego. Here are a few examples:

• Cultivate Self-Awareness: Developing self-awareness is crucial in understanding when our ego starts to take control. By paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, we can catch ourselves in moments of egotistical tendencies. Mindfulness practices such as meditation or journaling can be powerful tools in increasing self-awareness.
• Practice Humility: Embracing humility allows us to acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers and that we can learn from others. It involves being open-minded, accepting feedback gracefully, and valuing different perspectives. Engaging in acts of service or volunteering can also be humbling experiences that remind us of our place in the world.
• Seek Feedback: Actively seeking feedback from trusted sources can provide valuable insights into how our ego may be affecting our interactions with others. Surrounding ourselves with individuals who aren’t afraid to challenge us and provide constructive criticism helps keep our ego in check.
• Embrace Collaboration: Instead of always striving to be the center of attention or taking credit for everything, embracing collaboration allows us to recognize the strengths and contributions of others. Working as part of a team fosters an environment where everyone’s ideas are valued equally.
• Focus on Personal Growth: Shifting the focus from external validation to personal growth is essential for managing ego effectively. Setting goals that align with our values and continuously working towards them helps us stay grounded while avoiding excessive pride or arrogance.

Remember, managing ego is an ongoing process that requires effort and self-reflection. By implementing these strategies into your daily life, you’ll be able to strike a balance between confidence and humility, fostering healthier relationships and personal growth.

Cultivating Self-Awareness to Tame the Ego

Developing self-awareness is a crucial step in taming the ego and fostering personal growth. By honing our ability to observe and understand our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, we gain valuable insights into our own patterns and tendencies. This heightened self-awareness allows us to recognize when our ego is taking control and enables us to consciously choose a different response.

Here are a few examples of how cultivating self-awareness can help us tame the ego:

• Mindfulness Practices: Engaging in mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing exercises allows us to anchor ourselves in the present moment. Through these practices, we become more attuned to our thoughts and feelings without judgment or attachment. This awareness helps us identify when the ego is driving our actions and empowers us to respond with greater clarity and intention.
• Reflective Journaling: Keeping a journal where we regularly reflect on our experiences, thoughts, and emotions can be an effective tool for developing self-awareness. By writing down our inner dialogue, we gain perspective on recurring patterns or triggers that may be linked to the ego’s influence. This practice also provides an opportunity for introspection and self-discovery.
• Seeking Feedback: Actively seeking feedback from trusted individuals in our lives can provide valuable insights into how others perceive us. Their perspectives can shed light on blind spots or areas where our ego might be hindering growth or relationships. Embracing constructive criticism with an open mind fosters humility and supports personal development.
• Embracing Vulnerability: Being willing to embrace vulnerability requires courage but can be transformative in taming the ego. When we allow ourselves to show up authentically, including acknowledging mistakes or admitting when we don’t have all the answers, we create space for genuine connection with others while diminishing the need for validation driven by the ego.

By incorporating these practices into our lives, we can gradually cultivate self-awareness and gain mastery over the ego’s influence. Remember, taming the ego is an ongoing process that requires patience and dedication. As we develop greater self-awareness, we become more attuned to our true selves and can navigate life with a sense of authenticity and purpose.

The concept of ego is a complex and multifaceted one. Through our exploration in this article, we have delved into its definition, characteristics, and impact on our lives. Let’s recap some key takeaways:

• Ego is the self-identity or sense of self that individuals develop throughout their lives. It encompasses our thoughts, beliefs, desires, and perceptions about ourselves.
• While ego can be essential for individual growth and personal development, it can also become a hindrance when it becomes inflated or overly attached to external validation.
• The ego often manifests itself through various behaviors such as defensiveness, arrogance, and the need to control or dominate others.
• Understanding and managing our egos is crucial for fostering healthy relationships and promoting personal well-being. By becoming aware of our own ego-driven patterns and tendencies, we can work towards cultivating humility, empathy, and authentic connections with others.
• It’s important to note that ego is not inherently good or bad—it simply exists as part of the human experience. The key lies in finding balance and harmony between our individual identities and the interconnectedness of all beings.

Moving forward from this discussion on ego, I encourage you to reflect on your own experiences and interactions with others. How has your ego influenced your actions? Are there areas where you could benefit from letting go of excessive pride or defensiveness? Remember that self-awareness is a powerful tool for personal growth.

In conclusion, Understanding the complexities of ego allows us to navigate our inner landscape with greater clarity and compassion. By acknowledging its presence in ourselves and others, we can foster healthier relationships while staying true to who we are at our core.

Remember: embracing humility does not mean diminishing oneself but rather celebrating the interconnected tapestry of humanity.

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You Might Be One of These 4 Types of Introverts

Fun fact: not all introverts are shy or timid

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Verywell Mind / Getty Images

Social Introverts

Anxious introverts, thinking introverts, restrained introverts, understanding your introversion type.

When you think of an introvert, a quiet or timid person might come to mind. But what if we told you that introverts come in all shapes and sizes? Of course, introversion is defined by quietness, self-reliance, and reservedness but not every introverted person fits this archetype.

4 Types of Introverts

In fact, some researchers suggest that there are four main types of introverts: social introverts, thinking introverts, anxious introverts, and inhibited introverts. According to psychologists at Wellesley College, all introverts have these traits to varying degrees. A person's dominant tendencies determine which type of introvert they are.

Introverts are commonly misconstrued as shy or anxious. Some may exhibit these traits, but being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean being bashful. Or be synonymous with timidity or fear. Rather, introverts just need time to recharge after social events.

It's important to avoid pigeonholing introverts (they're not a monolith)! Yes, there are four types, but each has its own unique characteristics and social preferences. Interested in learning more? Below, we take a closer at the four types of introverts, what makes each type unique, and the differences between them all.

Social introverts sound like an oxymoron but it's a real thing. They're introverts who prefer spending time alone, but they're not against large social gatherings. They simply like spending time with close loved ones or in smaller social settings. Being in large groups can be draining and will require lots of recharge.

”People who are social introverts tend to communicate in a subtle, collected, and direct style, says holistic therapist Jenny Flora Wells, MSW, LSW, ACSW. “These individuals are not aggressive in responding right away, but instead, they take their time to cultivate a thoughtful response.”

Some signs that you might be a social introvert include:

• Preferring to spend time with small groups of people
• Needing time alone to regain your energy, especially after socializing
• Being selective about who you socialize with and when you spend time around others
• Preferring meaningful, substantive conversation over small talk
• Needing to have control over your social schedule and interactions
• Disliking spontaneous or unplanned social events
• Preferring to meet new people in familiar settings

Small, close-knit gatherings are the name of the game for social introverts. This way, they can have deep conversations. They'd much rather spend time with a trusted friend than attend a crowded party or meet new people. Because they are so thoughtful and reflective, they tend to be attentive and empathic listeners .

“This thoughtful approach allows them to manage their energy and ensures that they can engage in a manner that feels authentic and comfortable to them,” explains clinical psychologist Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan , PsyD.

Because social introverts enjoy solitude and are careful about how and when they socialize, they sometimes acquire an unfair (and inaccurate) reputation for being shy, antisocial, aloof, or insecure. 

Many social introverts are intellectual and existential thinkers, and prefer to engage in deep connection with others versus surface-level conversation. 

The reality is that social introverts often enjoy socializing, particularly with people they're closest to. They tend to be warm, engaging, and confident—as long as they are in their comfort zone.

Anxious introverts tend to feel uneasy and self-conscious in social situations. Where social introverts prefer small gatherings, anxious introverts avoid social interactions because they fear making mistakes, being embarrassed, or being judged. 

Introverts who tend to have higher levels of neuroticism are more prone to experiencing anxiety.  

You might be an anxious introvert if you tend to:

• Feel nervous being around other people
• Ruminate about past social interactions
• Worry about upcoming social events
• Feel highly self-conscious
• Have a hard time starting conversations or making small talk
• Tend to be extremely sensitive to social cues and reactions
• Overthink conversations and social scenarios

Anxious introverts tend to feel self-conscious about social interactions. They often try to avoid these situations and may seem nervous or even fearful when they do have to socialize. To manage this anxiety, they often stick with familiar, structured situations and seek out time alone , so they can recharge and de-stress.

These types of introverts may be more prone to experiencing social anxiety . Research suggests that about a third of people with social anxiety have an anxious introverted personality type.

Tips for Anxious Introverts

“Anxious introverts can benefit from preparing for social interactions ahead of time,” Dr. Ayrapetyan says. “This might involve rehearsing conversations, planning topics to discuss, or setting personal boundaries on the duration of their stay at a social event.”

She also recommends starting with shorter social interactions and taking opportunities to step away to recharge. Try using the following coping strategies—Dr. Ayrapetynan's recommends them for helping anxious introverts better navigate social situations: 

• Focus on listening : “Shifting the focus from speaking to listening can alleviate some of the pressure in social settings,” she explains. “By concentrating on what others are saying, anxious introverts can engage meaningfully without the stress of being the center of attention.”
• Practice relaxation techniques : Using relaxation techniques like deep breathing , progressive muscle relaxation , or mindfulness meditation to help alleviate feelings of social anxiety.
• Set realistic expectations : Ayrapetyan also recommends setting realistic expectations about social interactions to avoid feeling anxious. “Understanding that it's okay to leave an event early or to not engage in every conversation can reduce pressure and help manage anxiety,” she says.
• Recharge : Scheduling some alone time after a social event can help replenish your energy.

Thinking introverts tend to be introspective and creative. These types of introverts are highly imaginative and spend a lot of time daydreaming or lost in their own thoughts. 

“Thinking introverts are commonly seen as 'dreamers' and having a vibrant imagination,” Wells explains. “Thinking introverts are analytical individuals who exude critical thinking abilities, creativity , and empathy for others.”

This type of introversion may be connected to differences in the brain. Research suggests that introverts and extroverts have differences in their brain structure. One older study found that introverts have thicker gray matter in the prefrontal cortex, the region of the brain connected to decision-making and abstract thought.

Some unique strengths you may have as a thinking introvert include:

• A love for deep, thoughtful analysis
• Being highly analytical and logical
• A talent for thinking independently
• The ability to solve problems on your own
• Placing a high value on autonomy
• Trusting your own judgment
• Paying attention to details
• Spotting things that others miss

Thinking introverts are highly logical when making decisions. They consider multiple perspectives and weigh each option's potential pros and cons. However, this thoughtfulness can also be a double-edged sword at times—they struggle with decision-making and are chronic overthinkers, which can bring up hesitancy and anxiety, says Wells.

In social settings, thinking introverts prefer one-on-one conversations that allow them to discuss topics in greater depth. They might seem a bit reserved at first but typically begin to open up as they get to know people better—especially if the conversation is authentic, interesting, and intellectually stimulating.

Restrained introverts, also known as inhibited introverts, tend to have higher levels of behavioral inhibition. They are more alert to potential threats and reserved around others.

In other words, they are slow to warm up to new people and tend to hold themselves back in social situations. They usually wait until they feel more comfortable before engaging with others. 

You might be a restrained introvert if you tend to have these traits:

• Very cautious when making decisions
• Think before you speak or act
• Slow to warm up in social situations
• Prefer having a routine and a predictable schedule
• Avoid spontaneous or unpredictable events
• Love to plan ahead carefully
• Give thoughtful and deliberate responses
• Enjoy engaging in inner reflection
• Pay a lot of attention to detail
• Need lots of time alone, especially after you've been engaging in social interaction

Restrained introverts seem really guarded at first but become a lot more outgoing once you get to know them, and they feel comfortable coming out of their shell.

When approaching a social situation, a restrained introvert will be cautious and very deliberate. They feel more comfortable sitting back and observing the situation before participating and offering their insights. They might seem a bit aloof at first glance, but they are also great listeners and make careful, considered decisions based on their observations.

While not all introverts are shy or anxious , research has shown that people who are high in behavioral inhibition as children have a higher risk of developing social anxiety later in life.

When communicating with others, they sometimes prefer written, asynchronous communication. Spontaneous exchanges, like phone calls, can be intimidating because it doesn't give them time to get comfortable and think about their responses. Texting and email are preferred because they have the time to think about what they want to say and organize their thoughts more carefully.

Due to their reserved nature, restrained introverts are sometimes perceived as unfriendly or uninterested. This can sometimes lead to missed opportunities and pressure to try to act more extroverted.  

Tips for Restrained Introverts

Strategies that can help them overcome these challenges include setting small goals, gradually exposing themselves to new social situations, and practicing making small talk.

“Restrained introverts can transform the challenges they face with their ‘slow to warm’ personality by fostering self-compassion and their curious observer,” Wells suggests.

For any restrained introvert interested in fostering new friendships, Wells recommends setting boundaries “around social events and practicing healthy communication with others.” That looks like using I statements (to avoid sounding threatening or blaming) and being clear and upfront with your feelings.

So, what can you do to understand your specific introversion type, make the most of your strengths, and cope with your challenges? The first step is to consider which type of introvert best describes you.

To determine which type you might be, ask yourself:

• Do you prefer spending time with small groups of people? (Then you might be a social introvert).
• Do you feel anxious in social situations and overthink your interactions? (Then you might be an anxious introvert).
• Do you spend a lot of time daydreaming or analyzing information? (Then you might be a thinking introvert).
• Do you approach social situations slowly and take time to start to feel comfortable? (Then you might be a restrained introvert).

Once you understand your type, you can begin building self-acceptance and achieving personal growth

Practice Self-Acceptance

Introversion isn't a flaw. It's all about how you interact with and experience the world, so learning to accept your personality and embrace your strengths can help you make the most of it.

Set Boundaries

It's important to remember that no matter your introvert type, you need time to yourself to recharge your energy. Setting limits can help protect your time and ensure you get the time alone to feel restored and refreshed.

Try New Things

Depending on which type of introvert you are, you may find new experiences more daunting. The key is to gradually expose yourself to new social situations and move at your own pace. Give yourself the time you need to warm up to these situations so that you can start to feel more confident and comfortable.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings and Behaviors

Start noticing how you feel in different social situations. Pay attention to your energy levels, where you feel the most at ease, and which environments you thrive in. All of this can provide clues into what you need to succeed in various social settings.

Remember, introversion is a natural personality trait, not a social flaw. By embracing your strengths and using these strategies, you can navigate social situations with confidence. If social anxiety is significantly impacting your daily life, consider seeking professional support from a therapist."

Introverts share a common tendency—to expend energy in social situations and restore it by spending time alone. However, introverts are not a monolith and as such, they all vary in how they approach social situations.

Social introverts prefer small groups, while anxious introverts worry more about their interactions. Thinking introverts are analytical and imaginative, while restrained introverts are cautious and deliberate. Understanding your type is important since it can provide insights into the things you need to succeed and thrive. So, which one are you?

Grimes, J., Cheek, J., & Norem, J. (2011).  Four meanings of introversion: Social, thinking, anxious, and inhibited introversion : (634112013-457) .

Dong, J., Xiao, T., Xu, Q., Liang, F., Gu, S., Wang, F., & Huang, J. H. (2022). Anxious personality traits: Perspectives from basic emotions and neurotransmitters .  Brain Sciences ,  12 (9), 1141. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci12091141

Dong J, Xiao T, Xu Q, et al. Anxious personality traits: Perspectives from basic emotions and neurotransmitters . Brain Sci . 2022;12(9):1141. doi:10.3390/brainsci12091141

Holmes, A. J., Lee, P. H., Hollinshead, M. O., Bakst, L., Roffman, J. L., Smoller, J. W., & Buckner, R. L. (2012). Individual differences in amygdala-medial prefrontal anatomy link negative affect, impaired social functioning, and polygenic depression risk .  The Journal of Neuroscience ,  32 (50), 18087–18100. https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.2531-12.2012

Luis-Joaquin, G.-L., Lourdes, E.-F., & José A, M.-M. (2020). Behavioral inhibition in childhood as a risk factor for development of social anxiety disorder: A longitudinal study .  International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health ,  17 (11), 3941. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17113941

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Freud’s Theory of Personality: Id, Ego, and Superego

Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Learn about our Editorial Process

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

On This Page:

Perhaps Freud’s single most enduring and important idea was the human psyche ( personality ).

Freud’s personality theory (1923) saw the psyche structured into three parts (i.e., tripartite), the id, ego, and superego, all developing at different stages in our lives.

These are systems, not parts of the brain, or in any way physical, but rather hypothetical conceptualizations of important mental functions.

According to Freud’s psychoanalytic theory , the id is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind that contains sexual and aggressive drives and hidden memories, the super-ego operates as a moral conscience, and the ego is the realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the super-ego.

Although each part of the personality comprises unique features, they interact to form a whole, and each part makes a relative contribution to an individual’s behavior.

What is the Id?

The id is the primitive and instinctive component of personality.

The id is a part of the unconscious that contains all the urges and impulses, including what is called the libido, a kind of generalized sexual energy that is used for everything from survival instincts to appreciation of art.

The id is the impulsive (and unconscious ) part of our psyche that responds directly and immediately to basic urges, needs, and desires. The personality of the newborn child is all id, and only later does it develop an ego and super-ego.

The id engages in primary process thinking, which is primitive, illogical, irrational, and fantasy-oriented. This form of process thinking has no comprehension of objective reality, and is selfish and wishful in nature.

The id operates on the pleasure principle (Freud, 1920), that every unconscious wishful impulse should be satisfied immediately, regardless of the consequences.

When the id achieves its demands, we experience pleasure, and when it is denied, we experience ‘unpleasure’ or tension.

The id comprises two kinds of biological instincts (or drives), including the sex (life) instinct called Eros (which contains the libido) and the aggressive (death) instinct called Thanatos.

Eros, or life instinct, helps the individual to survive; it directs life-sustaining activities such as respiration, eating, and sex (Freud, 1925). The energy created by the life instinct is known as libido.

In contrast, Thanatos, or death instinct, is viewed as a set of destructive forces in all human beings (Freud, 1920).

When this energy is directed outward onto others, it is expressed as aggression and violence. Freud believed that Eros was stronger than Thanatos, thus enabling people to survive rather than self-destruct.

The id remains infantile in its function throughout a person’s life and does not change with time or experience, as it is not in touch with the external world.

The id is not affected by reality, logic, or the everyday world, as it operates within the unconscious part of the mind.

What is the Ego?

Freud’s ego is the rational part of the psyche that mediates between the instinctual desires of the id and the moral constraints of the superego, operating primarily at the conscious level.

The ego is “that part of the id which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world.” (Freud, 1923, p. 25)

The ego is the only part of the conscious personality. It’s what the person is aware of when they think about themselves and what they usually try to project toward others.

The ego develops to mediate between the unrealistic id and the real external world. It is the decision-making component of personality. Ideally, the ego works by reason, whereas the id is chaotic and unreasonable.

The ego develops from the id during infancy. The ego’s goal is to satisfy the id’s demands in a safe and socially acceptable way. In contrast to the id, the ego follows the reality principle as it operates in both the conscious and unconscious mind.

The ego operates according to the reality principle, working out realistic ways of satisfying the id’s demands, often compromising or postponing satisfaction to avoid negative consequences of society.

The ego considers social realities and norms, etiquette, and rules in deciding how to behave.

Like the id, the ego seeks pleasure (i.e., tension reduction) and avoids pain, but unlike the id, the ego is concerned with devising a realistic strategy to obtain pleasure.

The ego has no concept of right or wrong; something is good simply if it achieves its end of satisfying without causing harm to itself or the id.

Often the ego is weak relative to the headstrong id, and the best the ego can do is stay on, pointing the id in the right direction and claiming some credit at the end as if the action were its own.

Freud made the analogy of the id being a horse while the ego is the rider. The ego is “like a man on horseback, who has to hold in check the superiour strength of the horse.” (Freud, 1923, p. 15)

If the ego fails to use the reality principle and anxiety is experienced, unconscious defense mechanisms are employed to help ward off unpleasant feelings (i.e., anxiety) or make good things feel better for the individual.

The ego engages in secondary process thinking, which is rational, realistic, and orientated toward problem-solving. If a plan of action does not work, then it is thought through again until a solution is found.

This is known as reality testing and enables the person to control their impulses and demonstrate self-control, via mastery of the ego.

An important feature of clinical and social work is to enhance ego functioning and help the client test reality through assisting the client to think through their options.

According to Freudians, some abnormal upbringing (particularly if there is a cold, rejecting ‘schizogenic’ mother) can result in a weak and fragile ego, whose ability to contain the id’s desires is limited.

This can lead to the ego being ‘broken apart’ by its attempt to contain the id, leaving the id in overall control of the psyche.

What is the Superego?

Freud’s superego is the moral component of the psyche, representing internalized societal values and standards. It contrasts with the id’s desires, guiding behavior towards moral righteousness and inducing guilt when standards aren’t met.

The superego incorporates the values and morals of society, which are learned from one’s parents and others. It develops around 3 – 5 years during the phallic stage of psychosexual development .

The superego develops during early childhood (when the child identifies with the same-sex parent) and is responsible for ensuring moral standards are followed.

The superego operates on the morality principle and motivates us to behave in a socially responsible and acceptable manner.

The superego is seen as the purveyor of rewards (feelings of pride and satisfaction) and punishments (feelings of shame and guilt), depending on which part (the ego-deal or conscious) is activated.

The superego is a part of the unconscious that is the voice of conscience (doing what is right) and the source of self-criticism.

It reflects society’s moral values to some degree, and a person is sometimes aware of their own morality and ethics, but the superego contains many codes, or prohibitions, that are issued mostly unconsciously in the form of commands or “don’t” statements.

The superego’s function is to control the id’s impulses, especially those which society forbids, such as sex and aggression.

It also persuades the ego to turn to moralistic goals rather than simply realistic ones and strive for perfection.

The superego consists of two systems: The conscience and the ideal self.

• The conscience is our “inner voice” that tells us when we have done something wrong.

The conscience can punish the ego by causing feelings of guilt. For example, if the ego gives in to the id’s demands, the superego may make the person feel bad through guilt.

The superego is also somewhat tricky, in that it will try to portray what it wants the person to do in grandiose, glowing terms, what Freud called the ego-ideal, which arises out of the person’s first great love attachment (usually a parent).

• The ideal self (or ego-ideal) is an imaginary picture of how you ought to be, and represents career aspirations, how to treat other people, and how to behave as a member of society.

The assumption is that children raised by parents experience love conditionally (when they do something right), and the child internalizes these experiences as a series of real or imagined judgmental statements.

Behavior which falls short of the ideal self may be punished by the superego through guilt. The super-ego can also reward us through the ideal self when we behave ‘properly’ by making us feel proud.

Guilt is a common problem because of all the urges and drives from the id and all the prohibitions and codes in the superego. There are various ways an individual handles guilt, which are called defense mechanisms .

If a person’s ideal self is too high a standard, then whatever the person does will represent failure. The ideal self and conscience are largely determined in childhood by parental values and how you were brought up.

Examples of the Id, Ego, and Superego

Skipping a workout:

• The id : I want to skip my workout because I feel lazy and just want to relax.
• The superego : I shouldn’t skip the workout because it’s essential for my health and discipline.
• The ego : I can do a shorter workout today and make up for it with a longer session tomorrow.

Buying an expensive item:

• The id : I want this luxury bag now because it’s stylish and will make me feel good.
• The superego : I shouldn’t spend so much on a bag when I could save or use that money for more essential things.
• The ego : I’ll save a portion of my salary for a few months, and if I still want it, I’ll buy the bag as a reward.

Reacting to criticism:

• The id : I’m upset and want to snap back immediately because they hurt my feelings.
• The superego : I should remain calm and composed, taking criticism professionally and not personally.
• The ego : I’ll consider the feedback, see if there’s any truth to it, and respond diplomatically, asking for clarification if needed.

Therapeutic Implications

Freud believed that mental illness is caused by conflicts in the unconscious between the id, ego, and superego.

Neuroses, according to Freud, are caused by an overdominant superego, the resultant defense mechanisms implemented by the ego in an attempt to regain control.

Because the defense mechanisms are being over-used, too much psychic energy is used and allows the maladaptive behavior to emerge. Psychoses, in contrast, are caused by an overdominant id.

According to the psychodynamic approach , the therapist would resolve the problem by assisting the client in delving back into their childhood and identifying when the problem arose.

Identifying the problem can bring this into the conscious, where the imbalance can be resolved, returning equanimity between the id, ego, and superego.

Consequently, the defense mechanisms will only operate at the maintenance level, and the mental illness will be cured.

However, psychoanalysis , the method used to produce this new balance, is time-consuming and costly. Furthermore, no objective measurement can be taken to demonstrate that a cure has been effected; it is reliant on the client’s subjective report of their improvement.

There is concern that clients may claim they are better, not because they are, but because of the time and expense involved. 

Freud, S. (1920). Beyond the pleasure principle . SE, 18: 1-64.

Freud, S. (1923). The ego and the id . SE, 19: 1-66.

What is the difference between the ego and the id?

The id is the primitive, impulsive part of our psyche driven by instincts and desires, while the ego is the rational, conscious part that mediates between the id’s demands and the realities of the external world.

The ego balances the id’s desires with the superego’s moral guidance, striving to maintain harmony within the human psyche.

What is an example of the id ego superego?

An example of the id, ego, and superego interaction can be illustrated through a person on a strict diet who is tempted by a box of delicious donuts at work. The id impulsively desires immediate gratification by indulging in the donuts.

At the same time, the superego reminds the person of their commitment to a healthy lifestyle and instills feelings of guilt for considering breaking the diet.

The ego mediates between the id’s cravings and the superego’s moral standards, potentially allowing the person to eat just one donut as a compromise, demonstrating its role in maintaining psychological balance amidst conflicting desires.

What’s The Best Way To Define Ego?

Over the years, many varying definitions of the ego have been put forth. In general, most people think of the ego as the way we view ourselves and our relationships with others. It may also mediate between our instinctual desires and the constraints of the external world. The ego may play a role in certain mental health disorders, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Online therapy can be a great way to address any ego-related issues you may be experiencing with the help of a licensed mental health professional. 

The importance of understanding the definition of ego

Understanding the definition of ego can be helpful for several reasons. First, the concept of ego is thought to play a major role in how we perceive ourselves and our relationships with others. The ego can shape our self-identity and self-worth, which may influence our behavior and interactions with others.

Second, understanding the ego can provide valuable insights into our minds' workings, motivations, desires, and fears. Understanding ego may help us better understand our thought processes and behavior patterns.

Last, understanding ego may help us improve our communication and conflict resolution skills. By having a clearer understanding of one’s ego and the egos of others, individuals may better understand each other's perspectives, needs, and motivations, leading to stronger and more meaningful connections.

Theories of ego development

Sigmund freud's theory of the ego.

Sigmund Freud is frequently viewed as a pioneer in the field of psychology, and his theory of the ego is generally one of the most widely recognized. According to Freud, the ego can be defined as the conscious part of the psyche that mediates between the demands of the id, which represents unconscious impulses, and the demands of the external world. In other words, the ego may act as a mediator between our instinctual desires and the constraints of reality.

In Freud's theory, the ego is believed to develop during childhood, through a process known as ego development. During this process, the ego may learn to incorporate the demands of the external world and develop the ability to exert control over the impulses of the id.

Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development

Erik Erikson was a developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst who is generally best known for his theory of psychosocial development. Erikson stated that the ego may develop through eight stages, each of which may be associated with a particular crisis or challenge.

Erikson believed that the ego must achieve a sense of mastery or resolution in each stage to move on to the next stage and continue to grow. According to Erikson, ego development could be an ongoing process throughout our lifetime, with each stage building upon the previous one.

Erikson generally saw the ego as the central force of an individual's personality, playing an ideal role in mediating between the individual's and society's demands. The ego, according to Erikson, can help individuals to balance their own needs with the needs of others, and to make decisions that align with their values and beliefs.

Carl Jung's theory of the psyche

Carl Jung believed in a collective unconscious, in which all human beings may have universal experiences and archetypes. He believed that the ego might be just one component of the psyche, along with the unconscious, personal unconscious, and the self.

According to Jung, the ego could be the conscious mind, which is generally a part of the psyche that individuals control and are aware of. He believed that the ego could be essential in mediating between the conscious and unconscious aspects of the psyche and keeping them in balance. Jung also believed that the ego's main function could be to balance the needs of the individual with the needs of society. He thought that the development of the ego could be a crucial part of the individuation process, in which individuals may discover and integrate their unique personality traits, values, and beliefs. Through this process, individuals can develop a sense of wholeness and balance between their conscious and unconscious selves.

Humanistic psychology and self-actualization

Humanistic psychology is generally a modern perspective that frequently emphasizes individual experience, self-awareness, and self-actualization in understanding the human ego. According to this perspective, the ego can be seen as a tool for self-expression, self-discovery, and fulfilling one's potential.

The focus of humanistic psychology may be an individual's subjective experience and the journey toward self-actualization, which is typically defined as the process of realizing your full potential as a human being. Humanistic psychologists normally believe that the ego is a crucial aspect of the self, as it can mediate between the individual's inner desires and the outside world's demands. The ego can be seen as a tool for self-expression and self-discovery, and it may play a vital role in helping individuals fulfill their potential and achieve a sense of self-actualization.

Positive psychology and the role of ego in well being

Positive psychology usually focuses on studying human strengths and positive emotions, rather than solely focusing on mental disorders and negative experiences. According to this perspective, the ego can promote well-being and is often seen as an essential component in self-actualization.

The role of ego in personality disorders

Ego problems may seriously affect an individual's mental health and overall functioning. An unhealthy ego might contribute to various personality disorders, such as:

Narcissistic personality disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a condition in which an individual may have an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. According to psychoanalytic theory, an overdeveloped ego sometimes leads to NPD. In cases of NPD, the ego has generally become excessively inflated, potentially causing the individual to become preoccupied with their well-being and to have a sense of entitlement to special treatment and recognition.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition typically characterized by repetitive, intrusive thoughts and behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety. The repetitive thoughts and behaviors associated with OCD could be an attempt to restore control and stability in the face of uncertainty and anxiety. According to some theories, the ego might contribute to OCD by creating an internal struggle between the need for control and the fear of losing control. Also, the ego may become attached to the compulsive behaviors, perhaps viewing them as necessary for maintaining order and stability.

Some individuals with BPD may have an unstable sense of self and struggle with feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem. A weakened or underdeveloped ego may lead to difficulty controlling emotions and thoughts and forming safe relationships with others. People with BPD may have difficulty separating their thoughts and feelings from those of others, and their relationships and environment can influence their sense of identity.

The ego in individuals with Paranoid Personality Disorder may be weak and poorly differentiated from the unconscious, potentially causing a lack of stability in their sense of self. This may result in a preoccupation with control and a heightened sensitivity to perceived threats, sometimes leading to paranoid tendencies.

It can be important to note that these disorders must be diagnosed by mental health professionals, and they normally require a thorough evaluation and treatment plan. The role of ego in these disorders can highlight the importance of maintaining a healthy and balanced sense of self.

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy  may provide a safe and supportive space for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to the ego. Therapists specializing in treating those with ego issues often utilize cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). With an online therapy platform, it can be easy to find a licensed therapist who practices CBT or DBT and who specializes in issues pertaining to the ego.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Many people wonder whether online therapy may be as effective as traditional face-to-face therapy. This study examined the comparative efficacy of both therapy formats and found that both were similarly effective. If you’re interested in working with a mental health professional to address ego-related mental health challenges, please know that both in-office and online therapy can be valid options for you.

What does ego mean in a person?

When you hear someone say “ego,” you might imagine a sense of over-confidence. People often associate being “egocentric” or “having a big ego” with having an exaggerated view of oneself or one’s importance, but there is also another meaning. 

In psychology, the definition of the word ego (plural egos) often encompasses a person’s sense of identity. This might include their values, beliefs, thoughts, and life experiences. The ego can be seen as the foundation of how a person interacts with the world. 

Is ego good or bad?

In terms of psychological discussions, it may be useful to think of ego as something that is neither good nor bad. If we think about ego as someone’s sense of self, then having an ego can be seen as a natural part of human consciousness. 

That said, having an unhealthy sense of self can create challenges. The ego can play a role in several personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder, which may have negative effects on a person’s career, mental health, or relationships. Developing a healthier relationship with the ego through treatments like therapy may be helpful for managing the effects of these disorders.

Does ego mean “I am?”

The word “ego” originally began as a Latin word, which generally meant “I.” That said, because ego is often associated with a person’s sense of self, “I am” is another possible way to interpret the concept of ego. 

How do you recognize ego?

Having an unhealthy ego or an inflated sense of self-importance may be a symptom of certain personality disorders, like narcissistic personality disorder. Recognizing this in someone else can be tricky. However, observing a person’s behaviors and reactions may provide insight into whether they have challenges with ego. Some signs might include:

• A constant need for approval or admiration from others
• Discomfort when other people are successful
• Placing a high value on social status
• An inability to accept criticism
• Trouble taking responsibility for mistakes 

Ego-related personality disorders may also involve symptoms such as:

• An inability to empathize with others
• Manipulative behaviors, like gaslighting or stonewalling
• Refusal to admit wrongdoing
• Unstable relationships

However, it may be worth remembering that only a professional can officially diagnose mental illnesses or personality disorders. If you have concerns about either your own ego or someone else’s, it may be helpful to speak to a mental health specialist.

What is ego according to Freud?

Sigmund Freud, a pioneer in the field of psychoanalysis, believed that the mind could be broken into three parts: the id, the superego, and the ego. In Freud’s view, the id represents urges and base desires, while the superego represents morals and rules. According to Freud’s theory, the ego is responsible for balancing these two parts of the mind by helping people satisfy their desires in an acceptable way.   

What is an ego example?

Examples of the ego can vary based on which ego definition is being used. If you are thinking about ego in terms of self-importance or pride, then some examples might include:

• Boasting about one’s achievements in person or over the internet
• Constantly competing with, or wanting to be seen as “better than,” other people
• Taking over work or school-related projects without considering others’ opinions
• Refusing to take responsibility for mistakes 

If you are thinking about ego in terms of a person’s self-concept, then an ego might include things like:

• Childhood experiences
• Hobbies and interests
• Relationships and family
• Talents and abilities
• Spiritual beliefs

Finally, if you are thinking about ego in terms of the theories of Carl Jung or Sigmund Freud, an example of the ego at play might be seeing something at a store that you want but don’t have the money for. If you resist the urge to take it without paying for it and instead decide to save up for it, these theories might suggest the ego was responsible for guiding your actions. 

Is ego important?

In terms of psychology, the ego can be seen as an important part of a person’s identity. Having a healthy sense of self and an understanding of your desires, talents, and goals can be important for living a fulfilled life. The ego may also be important because it can play a role in certain personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder. 

What do you call a person without an ego?

If you are thinking about ego in terms of self-importance, then someone without an ego might be considered humble or selfless. That said, setting boundaries, being assertive when needed, and advocating for one’s needs may also be important. If you’re thinking of ego in terms of a person’s identity or sense of self, then lacking an ego, or not having a strong ego, may be a sign of low self-esteem or a damaged sense of identity. This can sometimes be a symptom of mental illnesses such as depression, PTSD, or dissociative disorders. 

• What Is Ego Psychology? A Theory For Self-Understanding Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia , LCSW
• Willpower: Definition And How To Increase It Medically reviewed by Majesty Purvis , LCMHC
• Relationships and Relations

7 Signs of a fragile ego & how to fix it

Our ego or self-esteem is how worthy we think we are. It’s part of our self-concept and self-image- how we view ourselves.

A person with a fragile ego has weak and inconsistent self-esteem . Their sense of self-worth is volatile and subject to the whims of life circumstances and others’ judgments.

Seeking validation from others is natural for humans. Our self-esteem is raised when others think highly of us. External validation builds internal validation.

Those with fragile egos, however, are over-reliant on external validation. Somehow, the external validation they receive doesn’t consolidate into internal validation that could make them less reliant on the former.

People with fragile egos have an unstable sense of self. They keep changing their opinions and behaviors to gain approval from others. Because their self-esteem rests on shaky grounds, they need continual reinforcement in the form of reassurance.

Signs of a fragile ego

The over-reliance of people with fragile egos on external validation makes them behave in peculiar ways. If you suspect someone you know has a fragile ego, the signs to look for are:

1. Defensiveness

We all get defensive from time to time, and usually for good reasons. But a person with a fragile ego gets defensive unnecessarily . They will overreact to the slightest perceived or honest criticism.

This happens because criticism shatters their ego. They constantly want to be praised by others because their self-worth heavily relies on other people.

2. Indecision

A person with a fragile ego lacks confidence. They struggle to make their own decisions. They constantly seek validation for their ideas, opinions, and decisions. If they’re on the verge of making what they think is a good decision, they may back out at the last moment because someone wasn’t on board with them.

3. Holding grudges

When people are hurt by those close to them, they’re likely to get over the hurt quickly. Their ego hardly gets bruised in the process.

In contrast, when you hurt someone with a fragile ego, you break the core of who they are. You destroy their whole world. Since their well-maintained ego is everything to them, they won’t forget your mistakes and will bring them up ages later.

4. Unable to handle failure

People with fragile egos can’t handle failure and take it harshly. 1 They feel worthless if they fail because they think failure brings them down in the eyes of others. The last thing they want.

5. Perfectionism

People with fragile egos overcompensate for a weak and inconsistent self by deluding themselves into thinking they’re perfect beings. Beneath the mask of inflated self-image and narcissism lies a weak self-identity.

Perfectionism feeds into their fear of making mistakes and being seen as unworthy or less than perfect.

6. Closed to feedback

A person with a fragile ego is closed to negative feedback. They can’t stand it. As a result, they hardly improve. Again, admitting they need improvement would mean they’re less than perfect.

Their general attitude towards well-meaning advice by others is:

“Yeah, whatever.”

In the rare event where they listen to negative feedback, they take it personally. They interpret any feedback as a reflection of their self. 2

If you tell them, “Your work was bad”, they’ll take it to mean, “You are bad”.

7. Impressing others

They jump at every opportunity to impress others. They’ll take on projects they’re unprepared for or will take charge in a situation where they shouldn’t have just so they can impress others.

They’ll go to great lengths to impress others so they can keep feeding their hungry ego.

Effects of having a fragile ego

It’s easy to see the harm that having a fragile ego could cause in one’s professional and personal life.

Perfectionism is the ultimate productivity-killer.

Being closed to feedback and unable to handle criticism means staying at the same level and never improving.

Indecision impedes proactivity, and the fear of failure leads to never trying anything new.

Seeing feedback as a threat and ascribing ill-intent to people where they meant no harm sours relationships.

Not apologizing for your mistakes makes you come across as too self-centered.

How to overcome a fragile ego

The antidote to a fragile ego is a stable ego. Those with a stable ego or self-esteem maintain a consistent self-image.

How do you achieve a consistent self-image?

It comes down to how you build your identity. The more your identity is built on stable foundations, the less volatile it is.

You can identify the things you identify with by asking yourself the “Who am I?” question. The answer to that question will reveal the structure of your identity.

Do you identify with your job? (“I’m a lawyer.”)

Spouse? (“I am Angelina Jolie’s husband.”) Wealth? (“I am a millionaire.”) Country? (“I am an American.”)

These are the things people usually identify with. The problem is, when you lose the things you identify with, you lose who you are. You lose your ego.

When you base your identity on more solid foundations like your personality, skills, and values, you develop a strong sense of self.

Sure, you may lose that job, but your ego doesn’t shatter. You still see yourself as a skilled person who can get another job.

Another strategy is to base your identity on multiple things. This way, your self-esteem remains well-diversified, and if there’s one point of failure, your ego still stays strong.

Of course, it’d be ideal if your identity is built on many stable foundations, but an identity built on a combination of stable and volatile foundations can work. What you want to avoid is an identity built on only volatile things.

Additionally, you’d need to develop healthy beliefs around perfectionism, failure, and criticism. This will take some mental work, but you’ll get there.

Next time you complete a less than perfect project, remind yourself that it’s okay not to be 100% perfect all the time. With practice, this thinking pattern will become habitual.

Similarly, you can learn to handle failure and criticism well by reminding yourself that they’re critical for growth and improvement. When you experience this first hand, you’ll no longer need reminders.

Over time, you’ll develop a stable sense of self and gain what researchers call self-concept clarity. 3

You’ll become less and less reliant on the approval and validation of others.

• Jordan, C. H., Zeigler-Hill, V., & Cameron, J. J. (2020). Self-esteem.  Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences , 4738-4748.
• Grover, S. L. (2021). Different respect motivates different people: How self-esteem moderates the effects of respect on performance.  Personality and Individual Differences ,  168 , 110312.
• Stucke, T. S., & Sporer, S. L. (2002). When a grandiose self‐image is threatened: Narcissism and self‐concept clarity as predictors of negative emotions and aggression following ego‐threat.  Journal of personality ,  70 (4), 509-532.

Hi, I’m Hanan Parvez (MA Psychology). I’ve published over 500 articles and authored one book. My work has been featured in Forbes , Business Insider , Reader’s Digest , and Entrepreneur .

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“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.”~  Eckhart Tolle

For much of my life, I was ashamed of how my classmates perceived me in my youth.

My chagrin and regret began in the spring of my senior year in high school when I opened our yearbook for the first time.

The seniors got center stage in the yearbook, as usual, with a big picture of each of us along with a four-year list of our activities and awards. I was proud of my list of five sports, especially my letters in wrestling and football and my participation in the choir and the boy’s quartet.

Next to each senior’s picture there was also a short, affectionate phrase describing the essence of the person.

Judy Johnson : Dainty and neat from head to feet.

Clayton Thomas: To be liked by all in this age and day is the highest compliment we can pay.

Anna Mae Westphal: Who could ask for anything more?

Ah, my best friend, Don Denkinger: Never a dull moment.

I turn to Gary Stokes, and there I am in my gray flannel suit, shirt, and tie. I am not smiling in my picture, but gazing off stoically into what?—my future, perhaps. My descriptive phrase : Reserved pessimist.

It was the only negative description in the senior pictures. Of course I checked to make sure. One negative description embedded with 124 positive descriptions.

I Wonder Who I Am

I was angry with the yearbook editor, a long-time classmate and neighbor. Maybe she had not written my description, but she approved of it. So did the faculty sponsor.

I was embarrassed but never complained to them. Instead, I held a grudge against them and sustained it well into adulthood.

I mulled over those two words for years.

Reserved. Pessimist.

Maybe this was the first of the many challenges to my ego that I would encounter over the next few decades, challenges that would help me learn, develop, and become my true self—a magical being.

But at eighteen, I couldn’t figure it out.

Was I reserved? I didn’t see it. I had friends. I liked most people. I had a beautiful, brilliant girlfriend who would very soon be my wife when we ran away and got married six months after high school graduation. My read on myself was that I was an ordinary, friendly guy.

Was I a pessimist? This appellation was even harder to figure out. I didn’t worry about the future. I didn’t think things would turn out badly.

I examined myself, but I couldn’t see any reserve or any pessimism.

I finally concluded that someone on the yearbook staff didn’t like me and wanted to give me a jab. Ouch. It worked.

So, did I discover as an adult that I am by nature reserved—difficult to know in some way—and that I am by nature pessimistic, throwing cold water on hopes about how people or things will turn out?

The Yearbook Signaled the Need for Some Introspection

I would eventually have to face some pretty negative things about myself.

In several marriages I would discover that I had built up some armor around my lack of self-esteem .

I was the most well defended person she had ever met, one of my wives told me.

I wasn’t able to admit my fears, so I hid behind a mask of supreme confidence. Some, no doubt, experienced me as reserved, difficult to know.

To boost my own ego, I was often critical of others. I became expert at dissecting the personalities and faults of those around me. In spite of the fact that I was a successful national leader in my field, I needed to assert my superiority continuously.

Those closest to me may have heard my criticisms as expressing a fundamental pessimism about the lives of my fellow human beings. At times they objected to my criticisms. I countered that I was merely describing others accurately.

In other words, I was a real human being and also a false human being—a complicated mix of ego and authenticity made up of love, passion, vision, competitiveness, cockiness, self-pity, and victimhood.

If there had been a mid-life yearbook, the summary next to my picture might have been “He may be a warrior, but he still makes mistakes.”

I Learn That I Am, and We All Are, Magical Beings

Over time, I was able to see the magical being behind my fears and ego disguises and able to see the magical being that everyone else is as well. How are we magical beings?

• Each of us is a perceptual dynamo, our bodies a master work of sensitivity, able to examine our lives, learn, change, and emerge into our full powers.
• We are the most conscious beings in the universe, as far as we know, the only creatures able to explore the cosmos, peer back into its origins, and begin to explain how it works.
• We are the only creatures who can laugh at ourselves, create comedies for each other, and find delight in almost anything.
• We are able to love, each of us able to nurture other human beings, able to intuit and imagine the needs of others and to create the support and understanding they need for emergence.

Ah, I am a magical being and so are you.

How to Become a Magical Being

My journey from reserved pessimist to magical being has been full of detours, bad maps, accidents, and late arrivals.

But it has also been a journey of discovery, wonderful surprises, breakthroughs, and heavenly destinations.

Looking back on my discovery that we are all magical beings, I see these key milestones in my learning. If you’re also feeling disconnected from who you really are, these steps may help.

1. Identify and confront the fears behind your front.

My long-term fear: I was afraid that I couldn’t be loved , that somehow I wasn’t likable enough and attractive enough. Didn’t my yearbook spot this problem early? Didn’t my recent divorce provide more evidence?

I devoted every day to stalking my fears. Instead of avoiding them, as I had always done, I sought out opportunities to confront them, test myself, and learn. It was an exciting time, as I opened myself to intimate relationships in a new way. I gave love without worrying about it being returned and I saw that there was nothing to fear.

One joyous day I realized that I was no longer afraid of anything. That day my love of life flowed without reserve.

You can overcome your fears. They are phantoms and will evaporate with your scrutiny. Muster your courage, identify them, go looking for them every day, and confront them. You will discover that your fears were simply bad explanations for what is going on.

2. Acknowledge self-pity and victimhood.

I was still vulnerable to having my self-importance pricked by others. Hiding below my ego’s need to be respected, I saw my self-pity .

My victim stories always followed a pattern—criticizing the person who had challenged me in some way.

With the help of a loved one, I stalked my self-pity like a warrior hunter until I exposed my ego for what it was—a false self. And then I laughed, full of optimism about life without pretense.

Notice how the ego gets angry, irritated, and resentful, always creating the bad explanation that someone or something outside yourself is creating your life. Dump the ego and fly free. You’re a magical being capable of creating the emotions you want to feel.

3. Learn how to sustain poise, no matter what challenges face you.

I discovered that my full powers are available only when I am present, connected, grateful, creative, and light hearted. Poise is the state of consciousness I choose every moment.

Poised, I live a vibrant life of joy and practical advantage.

In your magical state, you can transform every challenge into opportunity, adventure, and valuable learning. Welcome the challenges, embrace them, and say yes to them. Remember, magical beings are creative dynamos.

The Reserved Pessimist Wasn’t Real

Had my high school yearbook writers been more prescient about me than they were, they might have said: “He doesn’t know it yet, but he is a magical being.”

We all are.

Photo by rohit gowaikar

About Gary Stokes

Gary Stokes maps the universe of poise on his blog www.thepoisedlife.com . His book, Poise: A Warrior’s Guide , is a profound exploration into the nature of poise, how we lose it, and how we can sustain a sublime state of consciousness.

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What Is the Ego, and Why Does It Matter?

Published by Charles A. Francis on January 1, 2019 January 1, 2019

By Christa Hogan

“The Ego is an exquisite instrument. Enjoy it, use it–just don’t get lost in it.” ~ Ram Dass

I was recently pondering the changes I’ve seen in myself over the past year since I resolved to explore mindfulness , bring awareness to my thoughts, and regularly practice meditation . As I was recognizing and feeling grateful for the changes—being less reactive, becoming more aware of my thoughts, getting overwhelmed less by life and people—a thought popped into my mind.

“You know,” it went, “eventually you’re going to slip up and react to someone or something in a way that you’re not proud of. What then? It just goes to prove that this mindfulness stuff doesn’t work.”

At the same time there was an awareness that came in with a different message. “No problem,” the awareness said, completely unfazed. “That will just be an opportunity to explore where your ego is being challenged and what it means.”

It only took a second. But it was really profound for me. A thought that might have derailed me for days before was almost instantly neutralized by an inner awareness . Which was proof in and of itself that mindfulness and meditation ‘works.’

But that also started me thinking about ego. What is ego? How do I recognize it? What do I do about it? So I started researching because that’s what writers do when they have questions.

So What Is Ego?

With spiritual practices like Buddhism, eliminating suffering through conquering the ego and embracing our true self is a central goal. But what is ego?

Ego is our false self, the person we become so other people will like us, admire us, and accept us. Ego is also who we tell ourselves we are without question or who other people have told us we are.

Our true self is the “I am.” Ego is what comes after the “I am.” I am smart. I am pretty. I am a Democrat. I am American etc.

Ego is that part of us that is overly preoccupied with survival, accumulation, and success. It works to build an identity that both sets us above everyone else and helps us to fit in.

Eckhart Tolle brilliantly describes ego in his book, A New Earth:

“An ego that wants something from another — and what ego doesn’t — will usually play some kind of role to get its ‘needs’ met, be they material gain, a sense of power, superiority, or specialness, or some kind of gratification, be it physical or psychological. Usually people are completely unaware of the roles they play. They are those roles. Some roles are subtle; others are blatantly obvious, except to the person playing it. Some roles are designed simply to get attention from others. The ego thrives on others’ attention. . . such as recognition, praise, admiration, or just to be noticed in some way, to have its existence acknowledged.”

Roles We Play

So it’s worth taking a moment to look at some of the roles we might be playing that don’t fully reflect our true selves. The trouble isn’t that we play these roles, but that we aren’t aware we’re playing them, or that we become overly identified with them.

For instance, we might react badly when our children misbehave because it challenges our idea of ourselves as good parents. When instead we can choose not to take our kids’ choices personally, and recognize that they are developing into their own separate individuals.

Someone who identifies with a certain position or amount of wealth might spiral into depression when they suffer a financial setback, or lose a job. When instead they can recognize that the loss is painful, but that they are not any less valuable or worthy because of it.

Or we might find ourselves vigorously defending our political views at the cost of personal relationships because we’ve become so associated with the role of “I am a liberal” or “I am a conservative.” When instead we can recognize that we are surely both right and both wrong in some ways.

Recognizing Ego

Here are some other ways ego might show up in our lives. Each behavior stems from our ego trying to satisfy its need for attention and desire for fulfillment:

• complaining, bitterness, and resentment
• people pleasing or demanding/needing respect
•   materialism, accumulation, and greed
•  competition, a need to dominate others
•   dissatisfaction with what we have
•  vanity or self-hatred
•  judgments and opinions
•  superiority and prejudice
•  defensiveness, feeling attacked
• need for hierarchy and being in control
• dualistic, black-and-white thinking

Feeling Not Enough

We can also recognize ego from its core “I am” message: “I am not enough.” This can also show up as I can not have enough. I can not do enough.

Our ego is always hustling for more, so many of us walk around with vague feelings that we don’t measure up no matter what we do. Our ego is never satisfied with what we already have and causes us to become anxious or even depressed when we aren’t actively working toward the next accomplishment, goal, relationship, or other object of desire. So we keep working, keep accumulating, keep striving, while our planet, relationships, and bodies pay the price.

Past and Future Tense

Likewise, our ego is uncomfortable in the present moment. In fact (spoiler alert), awareness of the present moment is the death of ego. Our ego is at play when we find ourselves wrapped up in obsessive thoughts about the past. How someone wronged us. What we wished we really said in retort. How miserably we failed at something. How much they let us down.

Ego is equally fixated on the future — the next vacation, the perfect relationship that might never happen, the dream house, or retirement.

The ego loves certainty. It loves being in control. It loves feeling special. It loves attention. It loves being right and having something to look forward to. What the ego hates? Now. This present moment right here.

Making Peace with Our Egos

So now that we know what ego is and how to spot it at play in our lives, what do we do about it? I don’t think there’s any point in talking about killing our ego or trying to conquer it. We’re already too often at war with ourselves, and there is nothing the ego loves more than a good fight. And while some monks spend decades meditating to achieve freedom from their false self, most of us don’t have that kind of time.

Instead, we can build regular practices into our lives that bring awareness to our egos, ground us in the present moment, and free us from repeating reactive egoic patterns that cause harm to us and our world.

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness meditation can reduce stress and increase happiness. Mindfulness meditation has the added benefit of making us more aware of the present moment and the thoughts that habitually cross our minds. Mindfulness meditation also helps us to slow down and pay better attention to our lives. We can then become more aware of the roles we’ve learned to play but that no longer serve us well.

Present Moment Awareness

Tolle says, “All that is required to become free of the ego is to be aware of it, since awareness and ego are incompatible. Awareness is the power that is concealed in the present moment.” Drawing our minds back to the present moment each time our thoughts threaten to slip into the past or run ahead to the future is a powerful tool. Being present in the now keeps us from becoming overwhelmed by our ego’s relentless demands.

Need help learning mindfulness meditation? Check out Mindfulness Meditation Made Simple: Your Guide to Finding True Inner peace (paperback).

Ego is always hungry for more and loves to tell us that we are never enough. So gratitude is another powerful tool we can use. When we begin to feel as if we’re missing out or failing to measure up, we can take a moment to express our gratitude for what already is.

Ego is given to flying off the handle, behaving reactively, and getting defensive. When we feel our ego being triggered, instead of berating ourselves for not being mindful or more mature, we can exercise curiosity.

It’s difficult at first to become curious in the moment. With practice, we can look back on our worst reactive moments. Then we can say, “Huh, my ego reacted really strongly. I wonder what that was all about?” Often, if we stay open and curious we can uncover some really important but spurious messages we’ve told ourselves about our identity and begin to work to let them go. Only when we can uncover the root of our reactions will we see real change.

Resist Defending Our Egos

Tolle warns that the ego does not respond well to criticism and will react by becoming defensive or accusatory. This only further strengthens the ego, but hampers our personal growth. Instead, as difficult as it sounds, Tolle advises that we resist the urge to jump to our own defense right away, and instead simply absorb and consider the criticism. Or as Jesus said, “Turn the other cheek.” That way when we do finally react it comes from a place of awareness, and not ego.

Loving Kindness

Ego wants us to feel superior to other people. So as we start to grow more aware of our own ego, we’ll most likely begin to recognize it at play in other people and start to feel a little smug. So we should resist the urge to force enlightenment on others. Instead, we can exercise patience and kindness, remembering that everyone else is on the same journey and that not so long ago we walked in their shoes.

The reward for all of this ego work is that we can live from the place of our truest selves. When we’re no longer being driven to distraction by our ego, we have more energy and awareness to direct that energy. We’re more creative and more at peace with ourselves and those around us. Most importantly, we can find more joy in the present moment and begin to truly enjoy our lives. What better reward is there?

About Christa

Christa C. Hogan has written for a diverse audience, including adults and children, since 2002. She pairs her insatiable curiosity, love of people, and strong researching skills with her extensive writing and editing experience. To find out more about her, visit christahogan.com .

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Freudian Psychology

What is the ego, and why is it so involved in my life, the concept of "ego" is among the most confusing in psychology..

Posted May 13, 2019 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

The term ego is as confusing as any in psychology. Not only is the word itself used to refer to several distinct psychological constructs and processes, but the psychological landscape is littered with concepts that include “ego” in one way or another—egotism, ego-defense, egocentrism, superego, ego-involved, and so on. But what does ego actually mean? What are we talking about when we refer to the ego? And what is the difference among all of the terms in which the term ego is embedded?

Put simply, the English word "ego" is the Latin word for “I.” Literally translated, ego means “I.” (If you were writing “I love you” in Latin, you’d write ego amo te .)

Use of “ego” crept into psychology mostly through the work of Sigmund Freud . In Freud’s theory, the ego is the part of the personality that arbitrates between the animalistic desires of the “id” and the moral and social standards of the “superego.” But, interestingly, the word, “ego” does not appear anywhere in Freud’s extensive writings. He never used it. Rather, ego was a translation of what Freud, writing in German, called "das Ich"—literally “the I." In essence, Freud was referring to that conscious, decision-making part of you that you regard as “I,” as when you say “I dislike my mother” or "I decided to change jobs" or “I dreamt that my house was on fire last night.” That is your I, your ego.

So, most terms that include “ego” involve processes or reactions in which I , me , or mine figure prominently. Consider egoism , the motive to act in one’s self-interest. Someone who is behaving egoistically is simply pursuing his or her own goals , as we all do. A motive is egoistic when it’s focused on what “I” want.

Or, consider egocentrism . Egocentrism has also been used in a number of ways over the years, but it comes down to perceiving the world and interpreting events from your personal vantage point. We are all inherently egocentric in that we can never break free from either our physical vantage point (I can perceive the world only from my physical location in space) or our personal, psychological perspective that is influenced by our experiences, goals, beliefs, identities, preferences, and biases. People differ in the degree to which they can step outside their own perspective to see things from others’ viewpoints, but we’re all locked into our own egocentric viewpoint because there's no way for us to process information except from our personal frame of reference.

Egotism is another common ego-word in psychology. Egotism involves evaluating oneself more favorably than is objectively warranted. Just as we are all egoistic and egocentric, we also tend to be egotistical as well. Thousands of studies show that people are biased to view themselves too positively.

Perhaps the broadest ego-based term, egoic , is also the least common, although it is coming into vogue. Egoic simply means “pertaining to ego” or “pertaining to I.” Egoic thoughts, motives, emotions, and behaviors are reactions in which I , me , and mine take center stage. An egoic reaction is one in which I am centrally involved. Much of the time, people’s thoughts, motives, emotions, and behaviors are infused with themselves, with their I. They are thinking consciously about what they want, what they are doing, who they are, what other people think about them, and how things are going for them. In these situations, people are being egoic; they are highly self-absorbed, and their reactions are all about them.

At other times, people’s thoughts, motives, emotions, and behaviors don’t involve much ego, not much I. When you’re engrossed in a good book, working on an engaging task, having a comfortable conversation, or are in a flow experience, your “I” has receded into the background. You are responding automatically without much conscious self-related thought, and you are not currently concerned about who you are, what you want, or the implications of events for your personal interests and well-being. In these kinds of situations, your responses are not dominated by I or about thoughts of me or mine. We might say that you are being low in egoicism or “hypo-egoic.”

Note that egoic has nothing to do with being egotistical. Egotistical people may certainly be egoic, but highly self-critical people may be egoic as well. People who view themselves very negatively, as highly depressed people often do, are often highly focused on themselves and, thus, quite egoic.

These terms—egoism, egocentrism, egotism, and egoicism (and their adjectival forms: egoistic, egocentric, egotistical, and egoic)—are easy to confuse. But they refer to different, though sometimes related, ways in which our ego (our focus on "I") can influence our thoughts, motives, emotions, and behaviors.

Facebook /LinkedIn image: 9nong/Shutterstock

Mark Leary, Ph.D. , is the Garonzik Family Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University and author of The Curse of the Self.

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What is ego, what is ego, the ego is the identity concept our mind constructed. it is an identity that is false..

We are more than just the mind and the ego. If we take all the beliefs of what we are – beliefs about our personality, talents, and abilities – we have the structure of our ego. These talents, abilities, and aspects of our personality will be attributes of our skills, but the mental construct of our “self” is artificial. And while this description might make the ego seem like a static thing, it is not. Rather, it is an active and dynamic part of our personalities, playing an immense role in creating emotional drama.

When we have thoughts about ourselves that we agree with, we construct a self-image within our self-awareness.  The kinds of thoughts that contribute to the structure are:

“I’m not good at math.” “I am smart.” “My freckles make me ugly.” “Nobody likes me.” “I am better than you.” “That was stupid of me.”

The ego hides behind the “I” and “me” in those declarative thoughts and statements about our identity.

When we have such thoughts and agree with even the slightest conviction that these ideas define us, we build or reinforce an ego. We first have these thoughts when we are kids, perhaps when we are teased on the playground or reprimanded or praised by a teacher or parent. In all cultures, developing a self-image is a normal part of socialization. Problems arise, however, when that self-image is negative, inaccurate, or even overly positive. Considering that we develop our concept of “self” as children, it is inevitable that our self-image doesn’t map to reality as adults.

The Ego Unmasked

Why is it so hard to explain or describe.

The ego is difficult to define because the ego isn’t one specific thing. It is actually made up of many different beliefs that a person acquires over their life. Those beliefs can be diverse and even contradictory. To further complicate it, each person’s ego is different. If someone were to clearly identify and describe all the parts of their ego and what it drives them to do, you might not get a good description of what yours looked like. The challenge of becoming aware of what your personal ego looks like becomes more difficult because our culture doesn’t reward us for directing our attention inward and noticing such things.

How to Spot the Ego

It can be difficult to see, because it hides behind opinions that appear true – our attachment to the descriptions of our identity – and because we haven’t practiced looking..

You can get a glimpse by noticing certain thoughts, similar to those listed above. The easier way to spot the ego is by the trail of emotional reactions it leaves behind: Anger at a loved one, a need to be right, a feeling of insecurity in certain situations, feelings of jealousy that are unexplained, the need to impress someone, and so on. These emotions can be attributed to the false beliefs that comprise the ego. In the beginning, it is easier to see the symptoms of resulting emotions and drama, rather than the ego that caused it.

One of the most deceptive aspects of the ego is that it generates powerful emotional reactions and then blames us for how it made us feel. The anger we react with comes from ego-based beliefs of being right and “knowing better” than someone else. Perhaps there is also a victim interpretation of betrayal or injustice underneath. After we overreact with anger we might feel bad for what we expressed. The ego shifts to a “righteous self” that “knows better” and berates us for overreacting with anger. At the same time, it assumes the identity of being the “stupid idiot” that didn’t know any better and takes the blame for overreacting. All these attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs take place in the mind, and even though they are completely different, we assume all of them come from us. If they really were expressions coming from our genuine selves, they wouldn’t contradict, and we would be able to stop them.

To the unaware person, it is difficult to discern the difference between which is the ego and what is really them. They are left to wonder, “What came over me that I reacted that way?” Even their post-emotional analysis lacks the consideration to see the different parts of their belief system at work as separate from themselves. As a result, everything they express is blamed on them by the condemning voices in their head. In effect, the ego hijacks the analysis and turns it into a self-criticism/blame process. When the ego controls the self-reflection processes you have no chance of seeing the root cause of your emotional dramas, as the ego reaffirms itself and hides in the self-criticism.

Can it be arrogant or insecure?

“having an ego” is usually associated with arrogance and is a term used to describe someone who thinks they are better than others..

Yet this is only one part of IT. In fact, it is possible to have some positive self-esteem and some negative self-esteem – we are aware of these different beliefs at different times. The negative beliefs about our self-make up our negative self-esteem, while our positive thoughts comprise our positive self-esteem. Together, the negative and positive esteem forms our ego.

Quite often, these two aspects of our personality are nearly equal in magnitude and offset each other emotionally. A person who is very hard on themselves with their inner critic may have feelings of worthlessness. This is a painful emotion to live with, and in order to mask the pain, they might cover it up with bravado, projecting an image of security and confidence, all the while struggling with feelings of insecurity, worthlessness and inadequacy.

Arrogance is markedly different from the confidence that doesn’t come from ego. A person can be completely confident in their ability, skill, or self-acceptance, without letting it “go to their head” and impacting their interactions with others. And while humility may often be mistaken for shyness and insecurity, a person of true humility is fully present and at peace with themselves and their surroundings. Confidence without arrogance, humility without insecurity, these are manners of personality that are without the self-image dynamics of the ego.

Letting Go of the Ego

Because of its multiple aspects, it’s not practical or effective to dissolve all of it at once, nor is it likely that you could do so..

Much like a tree or large bush that is overgrown in the yard, you don’t just lift it out and throw it away – you cut off manageable pieces instead. The same approach is effective with letting go of the false beliefs that make up the ego. You begin by detaching from individual thoughts that reinforce it, then let go of beliefs, separating yourself from the false identity of your ego.

We have spent years building our ego self-images, living inside of them, and reinforcing them. Extracting our genuine self out of this matrix of false beliefs will take more than a few days. Yes, it will take a while… so what. It also took a while to learn to read, do math, walk, and develop proficiency at any valuable skill.  Things worth doing take time and practice.  What better thing do you have to do than let go of what is causing you unhappiness?

For a practical step-by-step process in identifying and changing the core beliefs that comprise the ego, sample the free sessions of the Self-Mastery series.  

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Chris Rock Announces North American Leg Of Ego Death World Tour 2022

Acclaimed Comedian’s First Tour in 5 Years Kicks Off This April

Tickets on sale starting friday, february 25th at 10am local time at ticketmaster.com.

Today, Grammy and Emmy Award winning comedian, actor, director, writer and producer, Chris Rock has announced his highly anticipated return to live comedy with his Ego Death World Tour 2022. Produced by Live Nation, the 38-date North American leg of Rock’s first world tour in over five years kicks off April 2nd in Atlantic City, NJ with two shows at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa, and will make stops across the country in St. Louis, Denver, New York City, Chicago, and more, before wrapping November 17th at the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles, CA. A full list of tour dates is below. More dates will be announced soon. 

Tickets go on sale to the public starting Friday, February 25th at 10am local time at Ticketmaster.com .

Lauded by peers and critics alike, Chris Rock is one of our generation’s strongest comedic voices. With a career spanning more than three decades, Rock has enjoyed ongoing success in both film and television as a comedian, actor, writer, producer and director. 

Rock recently wrapped production on the upcoming Higher Ground produced biopic, “Rustin ” and David O’Russell’s Untitled film . He is also set to direct an Untitled Chris Rock project in 2023. 

In 2021 Rock starred as Loy Cannon in season 4 of FX’s Emmy-winning drama series “Fargo.”   He also teamed up with Lionsgate and Twisted Pictures in the reimagining of the newest Saw franchise movie, “Spiral,” in which he produced and starred in. His most recent standup special, “Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut,” is currently streaming on Netflix. 

In 2014 he led the ensemble cast of “Top Five,” a critically acclaimed comedy feature that he also wrote and directed. In 2009 Rock ventured into the documentary world as a writer and producer of “Good Hair,” and in 2014 he executive produced “Eat Drink Laugh: The Story of the Comic Strip,” a documentary recounting the history of one of New York’s most famous comedy venues.  His feature acting credits include The Week Of, the Grown Ups and Madagascar franchises, 2 Days in New York, Death at a Funeral, Nurse Betty, Dogma, the hip-hop comedy CB4, and New Jack City.

His television work includes serving as a cast member on “Saturday Night Live” from 1989 – 1993 and as executive producer, writer and narrator for the series “Everybody Hates Chris.” The series ran from 2005 – 2009 and is still one of the highest rated syndicated shows in the world.

In 2011, Rock made his Broadway debut starring in Stephen Adly Guirgis’s The Motherf**ker With The Hat.   

Rock has won four Emmy Awards, three Grammy Awards, and is a New York Times Best-Selling Author. In addition, he received two nominations for the 2016 Emmy Awards, for Outstanding Director for a Variety Special for “Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo,” and Outstanding Special Class Program for the 88th Annual Academy Awards.

CHRIS ROCK EGO DEATH WORLD TOUR 2022 DATES: All dates, cities and venues below subject to change.

* Not a Live Nation Date

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Katie Rogers covers the Biden administration and the Biden family and reported from Washington. She is the author of a book on first ladies.

• June 28, 2024

President Biden knew immediately after stepping off the stage in Atlanta on Thursday night that the debate had gone wrong. In those first stricken moments after a raspy, rambling and at times incoherent performance, he turned to his wife, Jill Biden.

Whatever was going to happen next in Mr. Biden’s last presidential race, after perhaps the worst moment of his long political life, was always going to come down to her. His wife of 47 years had entered his life all those decades ago, reluctant to get into politics but fully embracing his dreams and his belief that he would one day reach the White House.

Now, her 81-year-old husband looked at her after a disastrous 90 minutes onstage.

The first lady’s message to him was clear: They’d been counted out before, she was all in, and he — they — would stay in the race. Her thinking, according to people close to her, was that it was a bad night. And bad nights end.

“To say they’ve been in foxholes together doesn’t even begin to explain their bond,” said Elizabeth Alexander, the first lady’s communications director, who has been with Mr. Biden since his Senate days.

So Dr. Biden spent the 24 hours after the debate putting her decades as a political spouse to the test, projecting confidence and normalcy while effusively praising her husband. But, like the president, she is an intuitive political messenger who can sense the mood of a crowd. She knows that along with the cheering supporters, there are legions of people suddenly accusing her of forcing an old man to put one weary foot in front of the other.

If Mr. Biden were to seriously consider departing the race, allowing a younger candidate to replace him, the first lady would be the most important figure — other than the president himself — in reaching that decision.

“Jill is the final and most important voice. She knows him and loves him with a passion. She also knows everything about him. Most big decisions are made with Valerie and Jill in the end,” said John Morgan, one of Mr. Biden’s top donors, referring to the president’s younger sister, who has run nearly all of his political campaigns.

Indeed, as major Democratic Party donors connected Friday, by text, by phone or in person, one of the most immediate questions they asked one another was whether any of them knew how to get a meeting or a conversation with the first lady.

After nearly a half-century in politics, the Bidens view themselves as long-game people. And right now, neither wants the story of the president’s long political career — one defined by tragedy, resilience and unceasing ambition — to end on a stage in Atlanta, across the podium from former President Donald J. Trump, a man they both revile.

“He wants to win and she wants that for him, and for the country,” Ms. Alexander said. “She’s his biggest supporter and champion, because she believes in him, and she fears for the future of our country if it goes the other way.”

In front of supporters on Friday, the first lady embraced the talking points espoused by Democratic Party leaders, including the vice president, Kamala Harris , that Mr. Biden’s bad performance did not erase years of successful legislating.

“As Joe said earlier today, he’s not a young man,” Dr. Biden told a group of donors assembled in Manhattan on Friday afternoon, her third stop since leaving Atlanta. “After last night’s debate, he said: ‘You know, Jill, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t feel that great.’ I said, ‘Look, Joe, we are not going to let 90 minutes define the four years that you’ve been president.’”

Dr. Biden understood that the debate night had amounted to a serious misstep. The president had needed to walk into the debate hall and address concerns about his age. Instead, he walked onstage after six days of preparations and mock debates at Camp David and had little other than a raspy voice to show for it. (The White House said he had a cold.)

She listened as Mr. Trump mocked him. “I really don’t know what he said at the end of that sentence,” Mr. Trump said when Mr. Biden blundered an answer on immigration. “I don’t think he knows what he said either.”

She listened as the former president attacked Hunter Biden, Mr. Biden’s son whom she had raised since childhood and had stood by during a recent trial on gun charges, sitting front row in the courtroom as the worst moments of his addiction were recounted for the world to see.

And she watched as her husband looked wide-eyed and slack-jawed as Mr. Trump went on, angrily absorbing what was happening but largely unable to hit back.

Afterward, Dr. Biden held hands with the president, who walked gingerly down the stairs. The moment quickly went viral. At a campaign-organized watch party the Bidens visited shortly after the debate, she praised her husband for his performance. But critics elsewhere saw her giving him a virtual pat on the head for simply making it through the debate.

“You answered every question, you knew all the facts,” she said. “And what did Trump do?”

“Lie!” the crowd shouted.

Suddenly, a first lady who had skirted major controversies over the past three and a half years found herself in the cross hairs of people who believe she has been trying to hide his diminished faculties.

“What Jill Biden and the Biden campaign did to Joe Biden tonight — rolling him out on stage to engage in a battle of wits while unarmed — is elder abuse, plain and simple,” Representative Harriet M. Hageman, Republican of Wyoming, wrote in a social media post.

The Drudge Report , a prominent conservative-leaning website whose author, Matt Drudge, has soured on Mr. Trump, ran an unflattering photo of the Bidens on Friday with the headline “CRUEL JILL CLINGS TO POWER.”

The first lady and her advisers have long noticed similar claims on conservative websites, and are aware that they are leaking into the mainstream. Ms. Alexander said Dr. Biden views her “amorphous” role as “an act of service, rather than some mythical power grab invented by the dark corners of the internet.”

She added that the first lady sometimes felt hamstrung by the demands of the role , one rife with expectations and hidden trip wires.

“You have to be supportive, but not so supportive that your motives are questioned,” Ms. Alexander said, placing much of the blame on the internet, bots and a right-wing machine that fuels “every conspiracy.”

Advisers to the president and first lady downplay the idea that she has the ability to unilaterally pull the plug on the president’s re-election campaign and clear the way for another candidate four months before a presidential election. They acknowledge her unique influence and power in his life, but they say Mr. Biden is in control of his own campaign.

“There’s too much putting this on Jill,” said one of Mr. Biden’s top advisers, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss a family dynamic. But as long as Mr. Biden wants to run, advisers say, she will support him.

“When Joe gets knocked down, Joe gets back up,” she told the donors in New York. “And that’s what we’re doing today.”

Katie Rogers is a White House correspondent. For much of the past decade, she has focused on features about the presidency, the first family, and life in Washington, in addition to covering a range of domestic and foreign policy issues. She is the author of a book on first ladies. More about Katie Rogers

Keep Up With the 2024 Election

The presidential election is 127 days away . Here’s our guide to the run-up to Election Day.

Tracking the Polls. The state of the race, according to polling data.

Issues Tracker. Where Biden and Trump stand on abortion, immigration and more.

Biden’s Age Concerns. How did Democrats get here? We asked top party leaders.

Trump’s 2025 Plans. Trump is preparing to radically reshape the government if he regains power.

Dragon Ball: What does Ultra Ego do for Vegeta? The transformation, explained

Disclaimer: This article contains spoilers for the Dragon Ball series.

Dragon Ball has had a lot of iconic transformations throughout the years, and Super has been attempting to add different variables to these power-ups while keeping their characteristic designs. A perfect example is Vegeta's Ultra Ego transformation, which debuted during the events of the Granolah arc in the manga.

Ultra Ego has been one of the most well-received transformations in the Dragon Ball Super portion of the franchise and represents the status someone can reach when training as a God of Destruction. Vegeta shows the current extent of this transformation against Granolah while revealing many critical elements of how it works and its ups and downs.

Explaining how the Ultra Ego transformation works in the Dragon Ball Super manga

Ultra Ego is the result of a person having gone through the training of a God of Destruction and being able to use the powers of one, which Vegeta achieved during the Granolah arc after training with Beerus. It is a transformation that allows Vegeta to tap into a new source of power and gain a significant boost in strength, which was displayed when he fought Granolah.

Another significant aspect of the transformation is that it taps into the individual's lust for combat, which is much more prominent in Vegeta as the Saiyan Prince. Ultra Ego requires a degree of fighting spirit, so Vegeta must stay focused in this form and entirely give in to the primal instincts of fighting when engaging in battle.

The more intense the user becomes during battle, the more powerful Ultra Ego becomes, thus becoming a handy tool when fighting many strong opponents. It is also worth pointing out that the full extent of the transformation has not been shown, and there is an excellent chance that the coming arcs in the manga will show Vegeta still learning the ropes of this transformation.

Is Ultra Ego going to be Vegeta's final form?

A significant criticism of the Dragon Ball franchise by some fans over the years is that there are too many transformations and that the characters often go through several power-ups, thus undermining the ones who arrived prior. This is part of why many fans would like Goku's Ultra Instinct and Vegeta's Ultra Ego to be the definitive forms they go through in the franchise.

These transformations are connected to the concept of God Ki and how they push the absolute limits of both characters, which adds to the narrative in the series of constantly trying to improve. The manga shows them continually trying to master these transformations and going through some significant character development, particularly during the events of the Granolah arc .

Final thoughts

The Ultra Ego allows Vegeta to tap into the God of Destruction form and become much stronger in the Dragon Ball Super manga. It is a transformation that represents his path to be different from Goku and forge his way to become the most powerful warrior.

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Masked rapper Dide who claims to be a Premier League player reveals even team-mates and manager have no idea it’s him

Any guesses as to who it could be.

Matthew Holt

Football rapper Dide says even his current manager and team-mates have no idea about his alter ego.

The anonymous musician shot to stardom last year after his debut single 'Thrill' last year went viral.

But some 15 months after its release, supporters are still left to ponder the real identity of 'Dide' himself.

Speaking to the Daily Star recently, unnamed footballing star admits he is enjoy the pressure away from the pitch.

"I've seen some crazy, crazy suggestions. I mean everyone's entitled to their own opinions, I find it funny really.

"I just go along with it and as long as they're positive comments and positive feedback then it's all good."

Eddie Nketiah, Wilfried Zaha, Reiss Nelson and Sheyi Ojo have all been linked with the real identity of 'Dide' in the past.

It is the latter that has gathered the most speculation, with AI technology matching his voice and the musicians together.

With his team-mates and manager still rumoured to be unaware, Dide admitted he believes less than five people know the real truth behind his rapping skills.

"Me and my team are very close-knitted, you know, we all trust each other and have a lot of passion for this and like I said we all believe in the vision, we all believe in the message behind the mask and what the brand represents," he added.

"A lot of people ask me, even family, relatives ask me and the answer's no because this is very important and it kind of goes against the brand if a lot of people found out who's actually behind the mask."

It remains to be seen whether Dide, who has recently releases his newest single 'Mental', remains away from the spotlight and has kept coy on his future plans regarding his identity.

"Initially I was going to do it without the mask actually," DIDE told the Daily Star.

"But then you know what it's like in the English media, a lot of negativity comes with doing things outside of football. "People start thinking that you're not focused on your job and that's completely untrue and I didn't really want to go down that avenue and I wanted it to be authentic."

Matthew is a Freelance Sports Journalist who also works for Manchester United, GOAL and Reach PLC. He supports Scunthorpe United.

@ _mattyholt

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Only two goalkeepers have saved penalties against both Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi

Jan oblak denied ronaldo from the penalty spot during monday's last-16 clash between portugal and slovenia..

Turkey goalkeeper Mert Gunok makes one of the all-time great saves to deny Austria in the last seconds

This will no doubt go down as the save of euro 2024..

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Enzo maresca faces a big decision as the new chelsea manager.

Cristiano Ronaldo's heart rate was monitored by WHOOP during Slovenia game and the results are genuinely mind-blowing

Portugal's captain entered a flow state during the penalty shoot-out..

• Masked rapper Dide who claims to be a Premier League player reveals clues to true identity
• Masked footballer and rapper Dide reveals the best player he's played against
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How Oklahoma football, Texas can survive in the SEC (Hint: Alabama helps) | Toppmeyer

• Have a bad season? Get over it by celebrating with Alabama.
• Oklahoma, Texas need no tutorial on importance of football as they join SEC. But, will they be comfortable supporting a rival in the postseason?
• If at first you don’t succeed, fire everybody!

Welcome, Oklahoma and Texas .

Or is it Texas and Oklahoma? I go back and forth when trying to decide which school rolls off the tongue first.

One thing the Longhorns and Sooners should agree on: They’ve joined the most enviable club in college sports . The former Big 12 powers became official SEC members on Monday. Oklahoma and Texas just moved into the house with the corner lot, three-car garage and in-ground pool.

Revel in your new digs. Seriously, revel in it. Reveling in conference glory is required in the SEC.

OU and Texas require no football tutorial. As much as any of the SEC’s previous expansion additions, these two schools relate to the conference's culture and football pedigree.

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING: SEC commissioner Greg Sankey, OU's Joe Castiglione say SEC move longtime coming

OPINION: OU officially joins SEC. Time to adapt to Sooners' new world

'WE'RE COMING TO WIN': Texas Longhorns talk tough after joining SEC

Football aside, what else should OU and Texas know about their new conference? Here are a few survival-guide tips to help these newcomers better understand the SEC.

1. Always blame the refs

SEC fans know there’s no such thing as a fair-and-square loss. An opponent outplaying your team? Pfft, that never happens. If your team loses, it’s because the fix is in, and the Birmingham puppet masters determined they didn’t want your team to win. That’s especially true if you play Alabama.

The next SEC program that loses on merit and not because of the refs will be the first. Don't believe me? Ask any veteran SEC fan, and they’ll set you straight.

2. Embrace your ego, and relish the SEC's greatness

An unwavering sense of superiority is a fundamental principle of being a member in good standing in this conference. The SEC’s unmatched greatness makes all other conferences irrelevant sideshows.

The ACC is the SEC’s subordinate. The Big 12 makes for cute daytime programming. The Big Ten possesses a few good teams, but it’s not college football’s heart and soul. What’s the Big Ten got besides Ohio State and Michigan, anyway? The SEC is deep . How deep? Mississippi State would land some haymakers in some of these second-rate conferences.

3. Alabama’s success is your success in the S-E-C! S-E-C!

Let’s say your team endures a 7-5 season. You’re probably demanding everyone be fired (more on that in a moment), but take time to smell Alabama’s roses. How many bruised egos did Nick Saban salve over the years with those national championships in Tuscaloosa?

Alabama’s success is your success now. Reviling conference rivals is allowed — encouraged, even — for most of the year. Once the postseason arrives, though, the last SEC team standing becomes your team.

Why? Because facing the possibility that the SEC is not, in fact, a million times better than the next-best conference would be salt in the wound of your 7-5 season. Live vicariously through your SEC brethren. A trophy for Alabama is a trophy for the conference, from South Carolina to Missouri.

4. Celebrate your school’s revenue by contributing to it

Nothing tops the thrill of a national championship captured on the field, but a "revenue championship" provides fans with another source of pride. SEC schools haul in the cash at an unmatched rate . Fans celebrate those earnings. Heck, they contribute to them.

SEC fans show their passion in the stands but also by donating to the athletic department and funding NIL collectives.

Including Texas and Oklahoma, the SEC now possesses nine of the top 11 athletic revenue-generators from the 2023 fiscal year.

Some say money can’t buy happiness. They don’t say that in the SEC.

5. If at first you don’t succeed, fire everybody!

By now, OU and Texas fans know the SEC’s motto: It just means more. The SEC office issues a reminder approximately 29 times per day.

But do you know the SEC’s unofficial motto?

Two words: Fire everybody!

Remember when pundits hypothesized before the 2020 season that coach firings would reduce because of the COVID pandemic’s financial ramifications? How naïve. Four SEC coaches were fired during or shortly after that season. Even Vanderbilt fired its coach. And Auburn paid a $21 million buyout to fire Gus Malzahn, who had never experienced a losing season.

That’s life in the SEC, where no buyout is too big. Fire your coach in November, celebrate Alabama’s triumph in January and thump your chest year-round.

Blake Toppmeyer  is the USA TODAY Network's SEC Columnist. Email him at  [email protected]  and follow him on Twitter  @btoppmeyer .

Also, check out his podcast,  SEC Football Unfiltered ,  and newsletter,  SEC Football Unfiltered .  Subscribe   to read all of his columns.

Both parties have decided: In the 2024 election, 'fear' is the word | Mitch Albom

My old friend Warren Zevon once wrote a song called “ You’re a Whole Different Person When You’re Scared .” Most of us are. And it seems that both of our political parties have decided that’s how they’ll win the upcoming presidential election.

Forget inflation, the border, abortion, schools, or international affairs. Fear is now the playbook for both Democrats and Republicans.

And, yes, I said both. This is not a partisan column. It’s a frustrated one. Because the Dems and the GOP have chosen the same awful game:

Scare the hell out of you.

Because it works.

Take Donald Trump and the GOP campaign. What’s the real message behind Make America Great Again ? If you don’t, it’s going to be horrible. Our country “ is going to hell ” Trump has said, many times over. The economy. The border. The nation’s morality. And without a Trump victory, he claims, we have a great deal to be afraid of.

The U.S. Department of Justice, for one. Trump, convicted in one trial and facing three more , has warned that what’s happening to him can happen to you. It WILL happen to you. The government will come after you for every time you disagree with it. That’s frightening, no?

Trump claims that if President Joe Biden wins, we will be overrun with illegal immigrants , the majority of whom will commit crimes, often violent crimes, like the ones that allegedly claimed the lives of Laken Riley and Rachel Morin .

If Biden wins, Trump claims, our schools will be overrun by transgender story hours , the death of girls’ sports, and a crazy, unfair obsession with diversity, equity and inclusion . We will lose our kids. We will lose our way.

Worst of all, the Trump camp warns, if Biden is reelected, he will quickly abdicate the position — or die in office — and we will be stuck with years of … President Kamala Harris.

Are you quivering yet?

More Mitch: Michigan Central Station celebrates not just Detroit's future, but its present

Trump the Hun

The Democrats, who decry Trump as “fearmongering” are no better themselves. Their entire campaign is based on fear. They have turned Trump into Hitler, Hannibal Lecter and Attila the Hun.

Trump, according to the Biden campaign, is a “ spiraling and unhinged man who will do anything for power, revenge, and retribution .” If he somehow got elected, here’s just a few things you need to be afraid of:

• Retribution. Just as Trump warned that a Biden justice department would come after you, so does the Biden camp warn about Trump. He’ll target his enemies, they predicted. It will be a four-year revenge tour. Liberal TV commentators are afraid they’ll be targeted, as if Trump’s first order of business as president would be to put Rachel Maddow in jail.
• Should Trump return to the White House, Biden’s camp cautions, he promised to be “ a dictator on Day One ” (Trump’s aides said he was joking.) Immigrants will be in the crosshairs. Abortion will be outlawed . Minorities will go backward.
• A billboard in Philadelphia , where Trump was scheduled to speak this weekend, shouts that "If Trump wins, Black families lose," because he will " sabotage Obamacare , (pass) tax breaks for the rich, and slash Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid."

Scared yet?

Heck, the New York Times recently ran a column “If Trump Wins” that foretells of a “a radical reshaping of American government if he regains the White House.” The writers list, as if they’ve come from the future to warn us, a step by step prediction of Trump’s plans “for  cracking down on immigration ,  directing the Justice Department to prosecute his adversaries ,  increasing presidential power ,  upending America’s economic policies ,  retreating militarily from Europe  and  unilaterally deploying troops to Democratic-run cities .”

My Lord. Who on earth would vote for such horror?

Mitch Albom: Public discourse by lawmakers is now a notch above food fight

They're predicting a dark future. Don't believe them.

Both parties, it seems, have seen the future, and it is dark and terrifying. They warn of a national Armageddon. Which is why Americans seem so depressed about this election. You don’t inspire people with fear.

But you can control them.

Look no further than the recent COVID-19 pandemic, which witnessed some awful behaviors , with Americans turning on one another in shameful ways . People reporting their neighbors . Shutting down religious services. Shaming those who didn’t wear a mask outdoors.

In hindsight, we look kind of foolish. And our government looks needlessly authoritarian. Standing 6 feet apart wasn’t a fact-based policy. Shuttering nursery schools was overkill.

But it worked, didn’t it? Because fear works. Fear sells. If you’ve ever wondered why, during ratings sweeps months, you suddenly see local TV news investigations into dangerous germs or predatory babysitters, it’s because fear gets eyeballs. Fear makes us pay attention. And in a nation of 336 million distracted citizens, getting people to pay attention is how you win an election.

It doesn’t make it right. Or moral. Or admirable. As we get closer to Nov. 5, and you hear the candidates’ ads, you should ask yourself, first and foremost, “Are they trying to scare me into voting for them?”

The answer will be yes more than no. So remember the lyrics to Zevon’s song:

In the Kingdom of Fear

Dangerous creeps are everywhere

You're a whole different person

When you're scared

Don’t vote in fear. Don’t decide while petrified. The fact is, by Election Day, we will have already lived through four years of Trump and Biden. So no matter what the doomsayers predict, we have a plenty of experience from which to make up our own minds.

Don’t let these candidates court your alter ego, the one you become when you’re afraid. Do your own homework. Talk to lots of people. Then make up your own mind, rationally and calmly.

Let the politicians be scared of that.

Contact Mitch Albom:  [email protected] . Check out the latest updates with his charities, books and events at  MitchAlbom.com . Follow him  @mitchalbom .